


Trivia

by Werbena



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Humor, but only slightly - Freeform, mutiny on the Eclector
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 18:20:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werbena/pseuds/Werbena
Summary: A slightly AU take on the mutiny on the board of the Eclector where Mummy Quill is still alive, Ego fortunately is not and Taserface has recently joined Yondu's crew. The story is from the Taserface's point of view and the author has to admit it was her own, selfish attempt to forget the terrible airlocking scene from GotG vol. 2. Let's just say the character of Taserface is not author's favourite.





	Trivia

**A/N: Characters mentioned below are definitely not mine. The plot, however, is my own idea. Story written for pure joy of writing. Not making money from it.**

 

Taserface was the serious kind of Ravager.

The best kind.

He knew his job, inside out, from piloting an M – craft to choosing the blade to cut A’askavarian’s limbs without having to pull the slimy ends. In his world there was no such thing as trivia. Either something was important or it was like it didn’t exist at all.

Fuel was fuel and there was no need to talk about its chemical composition, ammo came in red and grey crates, when you were hungry you went to cantina and you had to pay attention to cap’n’s orders. The rest? Rubbish.

Though some may say that it was in the job’s description that Ravagers dealt with garbage. Bad people, bad problems of good people, bad secrets of people who liked to be seen as good and so on. After a while, smart Ravagers learnt that even among waste there could be a unit or two, provided one had good eyes for detail.

Taserface? He had the best bloody eyes on the entire Eclector.

Ambition helped. Strong will, clear objectives, crew members who agreed with your ideas even if the said ideas might have been, in some very unfortunate circumstances, considered incitement to a rebellion.

He was one of the few who joined the clan after the word spread in the galaxy that Yondu Udonta’s men were capable of bringing down god-like creatures. And they did it in style.

Taserface wanted to be among the legends. It translated to more profitable jobs, some perks on the side, maybe even to not being so strict when it came to the code.

So Taserface joined in with a very good plan: first becoming a pilot, then the first mate, then, who knows, there were rumors that cap’n Udonta wanted to settle down to raise his kid. Not an obvious end for a Ravager but he was all for it, especially since it meant that there would be a “vacancy” sign on quite a cozy seat on Eclector’s bridge. Because, to be honest, either the brat would be too young to inherit the ship (hence staying with daddy Yondu on some backwater planet) or there would be a callow of a contender. Which gave even better perspectives: keeping the rookie as a scapegoat and making him do whatever Taserface decided or letting the crew kick out the impostor among true Ravagers. He could see with his mind’s eye the numerous roads leading straight to his victory. It was so close, almost too easy, practically the Eclector was his for the taking…

The reality, however, was so disappointing that he seriously considered leaving after a fortnight. There were boys who, after a drink or two, said something in the lines of looking for a fresh start. That was… something. A small beginning of a possibility. Ale brought out true feelings and slight but constant encouragement could direct the feeling of general uneasiness which accompanied space travels to more useful moods.

To add the injury to the insult, cap’n Udonta already had the First Mate and if there was one thing everyone could agree on it was clearly the fact that Eclector’s course would be sooner set to the center of a supernova than Obfonteri was dismissed.

They said that Yondu was like a father figure for Kraglin. That was the way to go, nothing more certain than family ties, even if the family was chosen and not made in traditional way. Unfortunately, Taserface was too old to even think about cap’n as his parent and the competition was stronger than just one gangly Xandarian. And to make things worse, it appeared that approximately fifteen solar cycles ago was the last time Peter Quill was in his easy to influence teen years. It made two potential successors, both with a solid rep among the fellow Ravagers (and Nova Corp, the orloni) and not a hint of rivalry between them. With the mere exception of the race to get the second servings of some gooey Terran dessert but it was unimportant. Pure trivia.

As it was whispered in the darkest corners of the ship in the middle of the night shifts, there was still a possibility of another Udonta coming into the world. Granted, as soon as such preposterous words were spoken there was always someone with his head straight reminding the rest of the crew that cap’n’s woman had to be infertile. If everything had been right with her, she would have been giving birth in less than a year after she was brought on board. And since she spent around a quarter of a century warming Centaurian’s bed, Yondu should be able to form a personal guard of his own offspring. Or a merry band of spoilt brats, a living proof of going soft and losing one’s grip.

Taserface accepted the adverse circumstances. He observed. He learnt. He was looking for the clan’s weak spots.

After all, if you cared for something it made you vulnerable.

The only logical next step was demanding although necessary. There was no other way.

He wasn’t naïve. Direct display of his demands and force was as pointless as asking Udonta’s woman what were cap’n’s food intolerances.

To wrap it up in one successful ending he needed three things: leverage, favorable circumstances and right timing. Without these the only outcome would be written in elegant loops of yaka arrow making its way between a bunch of falling bodies.

 

* * *

 

 

They said the Ravagers had to be prepared.

At least Taserface kept saying that, pretending not to see the Terrans obviously mocking him. There was no point in asking them what was so funny in completely sound rule because the offered explanation would have probably required listening to a long, boring and useless lecture about their primitive planet.

Sadly, not only Kraglin, Tullk and Horuz but also cap’n must have wasted their time on Terran gossip because there were undignified and uncalled smirks every time he wanted to express the true spirit of Ravagerdom.

It was another point on a long, long list of reasons why the Ecleclor was in dire need of changes. Painful ones, but good things came only to those who weren’t afraid to take responsibility.

As much as Taserface was ashamed, he was not prepared this time. The circumstances were just too usual.

Udonta used to leave the ship often enough, both unaccompanied or with a crewmember or two. Recently the cap’n’s woman started to tag along, for whatever the use she could be on an M-craft. Maybe they were just getting bored with the good old ship and wanted to spice things up on some strange planet.

Due to that fact, there was more or less nothing especially good about Yondu’s latest voyage. The log was cleared from what he managed to check before First Mate asked very politely what in the seven Kree hells was he looking for, but Taserface remembered that there were clients who demanded such privacy protocol.

On his way through the ship he considered looking for a fight or a sparring session, just to check the reflexes and keep in shape, however, he either met mates with whom he wanted to remain on good terms or those too busy moving around crates and pieces of equipment to acknowledge his presence.

Cap’n’s pets.

He wasn’t designated to this mindless cleaning detail, not that there was any need to once again rearrange stuff on the Ecleclor and swipe the floors, maybe just Udonta’s desire to keep the boys occupied in his absence.

Sore and tired crew had less time to plot. That was something worth remembering.

When Taserface reached the hangar bay Horuz’s ship was just finishing the docking procedure. Kraglin almost clashed with the slower Ravager, marching to the passageway to either pester the pilot or discreetly pick up the cargo. Contraxian brandy for a family dinner or flowers for the missus?

The ramp lowered and First Mate smiled broadly.

‘Welcome aboard, Mr. Quill!’

‘Kraglin, m’boy it’s good to see you again.’ Some grey haired, terribly wrinkled Xandarian graced the ship with his presence.

Taserface’s first impulse was not to dignify this trespassing with his attention but then something clicked in his brain.

Quill.

Not Xandarian but Terran.

Old.

Helpless.

No Yondu, no Yondu’s woman, no Star-Prince or whatever his codename was.

Leverage, favorable circumstances, right timing.

He hit his comm.

 

* * *

  

A good Ravager adapted to the constantly changing circumstances. He amended his plans, was able to seize opportunity and turn even an almost-disaster to his profit.

Taserface was certain he was almost getting there.

‘You have nowhere to run! Leave the craft with your hands up and we will not shoot you at once!’ he repeated for the umpteenth time.

Two blaster shots, ridiculously close to his chest and “a good one, Mr. Q!” were the only response.

‘Kraglin, you know you’re outnumbered and there is no one to help. Cap’n left you, his brat had left even before that and the crew…’ another blaster shot burned the top of his hair.

‘Who do you call brat, bastard?! Kraglin, is he talking about my grandson?!’ Taserface ducked in the last possible moment, saving his left ear.

‘Easy there, Mr. Quill. You don’t want to strain yourself.’

‘Son, don’t tell me what I want and don’t want to do. Now, hand me over these grenades.’

‘Sir, I’m not sure if cap’n appreciates the redecoration made by a big boom.’

‘Kraglin, I’ll take care of the Blue, don’t ya worry. Grenades, if you please.’

A few Ravagers who had decided to respond to Taserface’s earlier call had various shades of doubt painted all over their ugly mugs.

‘Is the Terran really gonna do it? The hull can get damaged and there is no one left to launch the rescue procedure…’

‘If you want to scatter now’ began Taserface, realizing that the fate of his little uprising was deciding. He had to be smart and convincing ‘imagine what Yondu will do to you. There is no turning back. Either we take control or we might as well airlock ourselves now.’

At least one of his men seemed to seriously consider the second option.

Not good.

A good strategist had to know how to raise the spirits of his crew.

‘Look, there is no way Horuz wasn’t shoot. So it’s just Kraglin and one old Terran who doesn’t stand a chance against…’

‘Attention, idjits.’ A booming, smooth and clearly amused voice shook the Eclector’s internal comms’ system ‘On behalf of our most gracious and benevolent cap’n, his blue highness, the master of yaka and the pride of Admiral Ogord and his fellow Ravager cap’n’s, Yondu Udonta the great, it is my profound pleasure to inform you that you have less than a minute to clear the hangar’s entrance area or suffer the consequences.’

‘I told you that slimeball Tullk was here somewhere!’ barked one of the future Centaurian practicing targets but Taserface squeezed his throat with the free hand.

‘On behalf of myself I would just like to add that I’m counting on you hiding because there is nothing like a good traitor execution to welcome our honorable guests on the deck of this humble vessel.’

Before Taserface even started to list the possible disasters who decided to mingle themselves with the merry outcast clan like Yondu’s, Tullk’s delighted voice enlightened them.

‘That’s right, you treacherous scum. Cap’n’s got the mother of all surprises and I can’t wait to see… Right, cap’n. Just opening.’

 

* * *

 

‘Hey there, Mr. Q., boys.’ Yondu’s lazy drawl made Taserface flinch. If there was any chance of his success it had been burned and scattered on the winds of hurricane right the moment Udonta stepped back on his ship.

‘Yondu, m’boy, how gentlemanly of you to join us. I was starting to think that this obstacle of sorts is a sign for me to reconsider a thing or two.’

‘Yeah? And what may be that?’

A fellow mutineer’s teeth stated to clank. And glow red, meaning…

The one and only yaka arrow was floating graciously over their heads like an insect of sorts. Centaurian’s whistle was barely heard in the distance but there was no doubt that in a blink of these crimson eyes the said flying weapon could be sliding easily through their bodies.

‘Well, ever since you came to pick me up for this joke of a medical procedure the lovely Ravager lady on whose planet you decided to install me kept telling that it was just a matter of time before the things go crazy. And when they get crazy exactly the moment you decided to make an honest woman of my only daughter, if that’s not a sign to reconsider, than I don’t know what it is.’

‘Sign of what kind? Leavin’ ya permanently with the pirate lady? She’s married, ya know.’

‘Which only means some options are closed. I don’t mind.’

‘Pops, you’ll never cease to amaze me.’

Taserface felt wrong. Chit-chat, family reunions, Tullk suddenly talking like the friggin’ Sovereing, it was bringing shame to all Ravagers on this ship. If he was the last one to save their collective honor, at least he wouldn’t die in vain.

‘Udonta! Yondu Udonta!’

‘Look who’s decided to stop beatin’ around the M-craft.’ Taserface glanced carefully towards the group of loyals. Cap’n was smiling mockingly, like when he was being presented the first offer for a new job and that tiny hint of bloodlust just started to sparkle in Centaurian’s crimson eyes.

Good.

Finally a true picture of the proper Ravager commander facing danger.

Some news had to reach Yondu through his comm, because he murmured and nodded slightly. Then, with the broadest of smiles, he asked casually:

‘Any last words?’

‘A lot of them! A lot!’

‘Shame we don’t have time. Something coulda’ve been interestin’.’

‘Interestin’?! That’s the only thing you’ve got to say?! You disgrace us with taking on board civilians, you vanish planetside to mingle with that bastard of yours, you even keep a non-Ravager as your bed warmer…’

Yaka arrow dived sharply, touching Taserface’s forehead. It might have seem as a warning, but drops of dark brown blood started to leak down to his nose.

‘You know why you are still alive?’ a new voice, more or less on the level of the floor decided to harass the unlucky wannabe leader.

A furry creature showed all his pointy teeth which could be both a grin and the final warning before an attack.

‘There is no distraction like a Terran style distraction.’

The last thing Taserface saw was the said creature pointing in his general direction to someone standing behind the crates which were supposed to be just a makeshift barricade before taking the hostages. And then a monstrous gray hand approached his nose and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

 

The process of regaining consciousness was long and painful, especially due to the fact that he wanted to outsmart his enemies and check the surroundings before letting them see that he was awake again.

Apparently, there were some changes in the mutiny punishing procedures. Instead of being left in the brig or in the cozy cell near the waste collector, the accused was to be strapped to a metal chair. After a careful examination, it was regretfully clear that the person responsible for binding made a flawless job.

As for the place where he was held, there was a source of light somewhere on the left and a conversation behind his back. Interrogation room then.

‘…he’ll be alright. The medic says that maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to move Horuz through the window but time was far more important, so all in all, it was the right choice.’

‘I am Groot.’

‘Yeah, we know. You were super delicate and didn’t mistake his hands with his legs.’

‘I am Groot.’

‘And he shouldn’t have been trying to go by himself.’ a woman agreed ‘He knows that now and when he will be discharged from the medical you two can practice the evacuation drill.’

‘Hmph.’ agreed a deep voice.

‘Is he always so sensitive?’

‘That he is, Pops. He ain’t a Ravager and I was told by a certain well-informed party that Guardians of the Galaxy are quite on the feelins’ side.’

‘We take no sides. Our only choice in allies is honorable people.’

‘Call me Pops one more time and the whole thing’s off.’

‘And since when do you have a say-so in my marital options?’

‘Meri, dear, I’ll be damned before I tell you how to live your life, not that you would’ve listened anyway, but firstly, it makes me feel old and secondly, your blue boyfriend will gain this particular right after you tie the knot. There is still hope.’

A family reunion. Apparently the old Terran wasn’t Star-whatever’s parent but the parent’s parent. Taserface’s logic in choosing prisoners, if a bit unfortunate, had very strong basis. Small comfort but always a comfort, which couldn’t be overlooked in the prospect of upcoming tortures.

‘Well, well, well, look who’s eavesdroppin’. Maybe this time ‘round he’ll make the effort to actually listen and not only choose whatever he wants to hear.’ Udonta unceremoniously spun the chair.

Before Taserface, on various pieces of furniture and even on some things which shouldn’t be used as support for humongous grey mountains of muscles, sat three Quills, the so-called defenders of the galaxy in their full composition, very angry Kraglin and the doom itself.

Frigging admiral Ogord, playing with an unlit cigar, looking at the Centaurian like he invented the jump mechanism.

Taserface had to regain at least some control over this situation before being shoot from the main canon.

‘What happened to my men?’

‘Your men? YOUR men?! Cap’n, permission to give him a taste of Ravager justice.’ Kraglin was already up, all too eager for his fist to make the acquaintance with the mutineer’s jaw.

‘At ease, first mate.‘ that nasty grimace seemed never to leave Udonta’s face ‘Yer men, ain’t they. And tell me if ya would, who exactly do ya have in mind? I can’t give any information regardin’ my crew on somebody’s whim. It’s against the code to talk ‘bout matters of such sensitive nature with an outsider.’

The last word drew Taserface’s attention.

Exile.

Good. He could have his own clan, straight rules from the start, firm hand and…

‘Don’t keep the captain waiting.’ This time the brat decided to interfere.

‘I meant those who have been captured with me when I was testing a new negotiation technique.’

‘Despicable. You dare to call your pathetic attack on a fellow Ravager, your direct superior in the chain of command and your leader’s grey-haired and physically incapacitated guest…’ the Destroyer put the tips of his huge fingers together, like checking if the prisoner’s neck would fit between his palms.

‘Who didja call incapacitated, boy?! Peter, give me my cane. Your grey friend needs having his perception of the galaxy updated.’

‘Apologies, Mr. Quill. You’ve proven yourself to be a formidable opponent and a cunning ally.’

‘Drax, m’boy, there is still hope for ya.’

‘That I find agreeable.’

‘Shut up! What is wrong with you all?! You’ve caught me, thwarted a sound plan and now you just joke about it?!’ Taserface was shaking with fury ‘We’re Ravagers, man! We don’t do feelings, family, fluffy conversations and…’

‘If you’re gonna say we don’t do fucking, you’re so not well informed, dude. Or you’re lacking in very important part of existence but I don’t judge.’ The youngest Quill kept nodding with that matter-of-fact expression on his disgusting exterior.

‘Boy, there are women present. Some decorum, if you may.’

‘Pops, leave ‘im be. The boy’s just advertisin’.’

‘Yondu!’ Star-Prince whined, making Taserface unintentionally wonder whether there was any blood relation between the brat and the rodent.

‘Always the hopeful one, aye, Peter?’

‘Kraglin, may I remind you, dude, there is pretty high chance of us getting legally related and some solidarity would be nice, for a change.’

‘Gamora, don’t tell me you seriously consider allowing your more stiff sister to attach her robotic self to Peter’s sort of a not brother? Oh, look, he’s already turning pink. I take my question back, no further elaboration is required, thank you.’

‘Rocket, I wouldn’t dream about interfering with my sister’s personal life. Besides, what does it have to with you?’

‘Not much, but I’m always a sucker for a good disaster. Imagine their first disagreement. If blowing Ego is still a hot topic around the galaxy, their quarreling would make it to Terran all planetary news service!’ the rat continued, bravely ignoring the fact that First Mate’s jaws were getting tighter by the second ‘Please remember to always correctly advertise the Guardians of the Galaxy. If our prices go up, we will send you a couple of per cents of units…’ Rocket stopped, feeling a sudden chill in the atmosphere ‘She’s standing right behind me? With a laser pointed to my hide? And she’s not going to miss?’

‘Quill, are you very attached to your eloquent explosives expert?’

Rocket turned comically slow, Taserface almost forgot to remain serious, but he managed to cover it with a cough. This blue chick used to be worth a few hundreds of thousands units back in the day but maybe it was a good thing it was not up anymore. She looked a lot scarier in person than she did on the holos.

‘Quite. In fact, if I may suggest, at least eleven per cent of wedding gift from you can be in a form of spearing his life.’

‘Star-Lord, you’re the man.’ The rodent pretended to wipe an emotional tear.

‘And on our part we will make sure that Rocket here not only wears the cutest little tux in the whole galaxy but he personally attends to throwing flowers on the happy couple’s way to the captain.’

Blue robot-like girl weighted the offer and lowered her weapon.

‘I’m taking that back. You’re not the man and my ghost will haunt you till the end of time. Nebula, do your thing. Put an end to my torment.’

‘Not a chance in hell, R.’ Kraglin stepped closer and kissed his sweetheart’s temple. This ship was going to Ravager purgatory, no doubt about it ‘I kinda enjoy the idea of a flower raccoon.’

‘Great. Look forward to me dying of misery on your day. I’ll try to fall somewhere tasteful for a stylish memoir holo.’

‘Ah, look, he’s blushin’.’ Kraglin’s previous and virtuous incarnations were getting their rewards. With one hundred per cent fun included.

Apparently, if it was only for his captors, Taserface would have spent the rest of his life sentenced to admiring their collective, never ending giggling fest.

The time came to resort to the higher instance.

‘Admiral Ogord, you’re really gonna allow this stupidity to fall on the Ravagers across the entire cosmos?!’

Stakar’s gaze glided over the happy band of morons. There might have been a spark of rightful sentiment there. Giving the right incentive…

‘Yondu, as much as it pains me to acknowledge this, the mutineer’s got some small fraction of a point.’

‘And that may be…?’

‘This is a bit ridiculous. However, if you do me the honor of accepting my previous offer…’ the suspense created masterfully by the admiral could be cut with a laser.

‘Which one?’

‘Oh, just the second one with a minor modification of the first.’

Udonta bit his lip pensively.

And did the unthinkable. He actually asked his woman. In presence of bystanders.

‘Whad da ya think, Mery?’

‘We can go for it. If we’re going to do it, let’s do it in the most unforgettable way.’

‘Felicitations!’ admiral’s voice boomed over the collective congratulations ‘First let’s get the smaller things sorted. Aleta should be on her way, the high council following shortly after.’

Taserface’s face went crimson with content.

‘Will my men be tried together with me before the Ravager Council?’

Ogord looked at him like he had said he would like to be shot as the opening canon volley at Yondu’s upcoming whatever, the rest just gawked for a long, awkward moment.

Then they started laughing.

More rather, cackling, almost choking with roaring sounds of utter amusement.

Kraglin bent in half, holding his stomach. Udonta’s head flew backwards, almost detaching from the rest of his blue body, but the right hand kept patting admiral’s shoulder. The Destroyer crouched, mindful of the little twig tucked on his forearm. Quills hugging themselves together as if they could fall. Rodent actually falling behind the crate he was sitting on, his rear paws shaking with joy. Colorful females sharing a long, meaningful look and a shrug.

It was a good thing Taserface didn’t believe in any gods because in this very moment he would have to came to a conclusion that the said gods hated him with infinite passion and creativity.

‘Yer men?’ Udonta was the first to compose himself enough to speak clearly ‘And who da ya mean exactly?’

‘The ones supporting me!’

‘No such people on this ship.’ Kraglin smirked ‘But to be perfectly sure, give us the names so we can close the matter once and for all.’

‘Sure! I was with… with…’ a terrible realization came to the most serious Ravager of all.

He couldn’t remember for his life who exactly were his people. No names, no faces, no gun preferences or strongpoints.

Perfect, space-like emptiness.

They should disintegrate him on the spot to save him from further embarrassment. Even such a joke of a cap’n as Yondu Udonta knew every single of his crewmembers and the Eclector was one hell of a vessel.

‘Despicable.’ The Destroyer started once again a very complicated monologue though Taserface couldn’t focus on the speech regardless if it was the execution suggestions or reasons why he should be kept alive. The depths of the Ravager suffering were just too deep.

Well, at least Admiral Ogord must have an idea how the almost cap’n felt because he managed to bring his attention back.

‘If I may suggest, my pilots are known for their precision. Maybe it’s worth to give a small demonstration to the approaching guests and the morale of their crews. A betting pool seems a good idea. What happens first with the traitor? Will he be torn apart when attached to two M – crafts? Or rather will he freeze or be burnt by the exhausts from the ships?’

Taserface momentarily remembered all his principles and decided to at least try to survive.

Because any serious Ravager knew that until he lived, all options were opened, he just had to find the right circumstances, leverage and a bit of luck.

He had to literally bit his tongue to prevent himself from thanking the Admiral, the cap’n, hell, even the rest of the disgraces present for giving him the right motivation.


End file.
